Chemo brain, frozen fingers, and fatigue

It's been two weeks since chemo number two and I'm feeling good, but it's been a busy two weeks, hence the long wait for a new post.

My sister and 12 week old nephew were my chemo buddies this time around, and, apart from the fact that my chemo brain was in full swing and I apparently kept repeating myself, which my sister was too embarrassed to point out, we had a lovely day. I seemed to react differently to the chemo this time though.

The frozen gloves that I wore, without a problem, last time were extremely cold and painful this time. My left pinkie and ring finger felt like cement and were absolutely throbbing and frozen so I ended up taking the gloves off, and now the tip of my pinkie is still numb.

The other big difference was that I got tired, really really tired, before I even finished receiving the chemo. Afterwards we went back to my sisters place and I could hardly keep my eyes open. The next three days I was so tired I could hardly function. The worst day was the saturday, two days after chemo. It was raining and absolutely freezing. No matter what I wore I couldn't get warm. At one point I had on a long sleeve top, a jumper, my husbands warmest hoodie (with the hood on), a beanie, and a scarf, and I was still cold. And as much as i tried, I just couldn't get warm or stay awake. The following day was my nieces third birthday party and, luckily enough, I was feeling a bit better so little birdie, my husband, and I went. There was an adorable petting zoo and little birdie absolutely loved seeing all the animals. All she talked about for the next few days was watching her cousin feeding the baby lamb with a bottle. Although I was feeling better than I had been, I was still feeling off. I was in a bit of a daze and felt like I was in a bubble, separate from everyone else. It was the first time I've been in a big group of people i know since losing my hair which I think added to this feeling, even though I was wearing my favourite scarf and fringe.

I've had a few other small side effects this time. I've had some pimples like last time, mainly on my scalp (a balding scalp plus pimples, how attractive) but not anywhere near as bad as they were before. I'm still trying to get my stomach sorted but unfortunately I'm either constipated or the total opposite, neither if which are fun, but I haven't had any nausea or vomiting so I'm happy. Also, I did start to get a bit of a sore on my tongue a few days ago, but luckily it reminded me that I have to wash my mouth out after every meal (which I'd kind of forgotten since my last treatment) and it has disappeared. My hair has continued to fall out, in much smaller pieces since shaving my head, and this afternoon I noticed that a clump of my eyelashes have fallen out. I'm hoping its just a coincidence and not a sign that the rest will fall out too, but I'll just have to wait and see.

Little birdie has been adorable as usual, but a but cheeky lately which has been tiring. On the other hand, she has been especially good when it comes to going to bed at night and nap time, and even asked to go to sleep before her nap the other day, so I'm not complaining.

Right now I'm looking forward to the next week. We are catching up with friends this weekend and hopefully I'll be doing the same next week until chemo on Thursday.

Bye bye hair

The inevitable has finally happened. My hair is gone.

It started falling out a week ago, which coincidentally was the same day i finally went wig shopping. On Monday night I noticed a little more hair than usual coming out when I brushed it. I wasn't sure if it really was my hair falling out or not, so I pretty much spent the next hour putting my fingers through my hair until I actually pulled a small chunk out. It almost felt like I was pulling Velcro off my scalp. I wasn't tugging at it, I just pulled lightly and I heard it coming away from the roots.

From then on, every time I touched my hair, more and more would fall out. By the end if the week i had a whole bin full of hair! On Thursday night I noticed bald patches at both of my temples but I still wasn't ready for the big shave. By Friday afternoon it had gotten so bad that I put a thick headband on before my husband got home because I didn't want him to freak out when he saw me. When I woke up on Saturday morning I looked absolutely ridiculous and knew it was time. I've read about people having family over, a party, or shaving their heads at the hairdresser with a bottle of wine, but I didn't have time for that. It was 9am and I couldn't handle looking like George Costanza for another minute. I sat down in the bathroom, put on some Lana Del Ray, and my husband got to work. Little Birdie sat in my lap and watched on totally amazed while my head was being shaved. She even picked up one of the (plastic) shaver attachments and pretended to shave her head too.

Then, when my husband was finished, and I was totally bald, I got to shave his head. We had talked about him shaving his head with me, but he doesn't have much hair because he shaves it regularly, so I thought he was only joking. I was surprised at how good shaving his head made me feel, as did seeing our matching hair styles. Since then I have been experimenting with all kinds of head wear, and trying to get used to seeing my very white scalp. It's been too hot to wear my wig but I did get a fringe wig thingy which I love!

Tomorrow will be three weeks since my first round of chemo and two days till round two. I'm hoping I handle it as well as I did last time, but I guess we won't know till my next post. Wish me luck.

Happy Easter & chemo week one

It's been a week since my first chemo and I'm still waiting to feel sick, which is quite a strange feeling. Chemo itself was surprisingly lovely. My husband came with me, we watched a movie, chatted with other patients, were given yummy snacks, and all in all had a nice day. All the nurses, and even the pharmacist, were great. They spent plenty of time explaining my medications and how I would feel in the days after my treatment. I was in a great mood, so much so that my breast care nurse told my husband that I was 'on a high' from the steroids I'd been taking, and that in two days time I would have a big low as they left my system. I didn't quite believe her and thought she was just surprised at how well I am handling everything, but just to be safe I organised for my mum to be home with me that day. Unsurprisingly I was totally fine that day, and every day since. (I hope I haven't just jinxed myself by saying that.)

I have had a few side effects so far, but not really the ones I was expecting. The first thing i noticed was that my taste buds have started to change a little bit. I only notice when I eat certain foods, like citrus, but the most notable is chocolate. and it's Easter. Can you believe that? The next side effect i noticed was my skin. I've started to break out like a pimply teenager! I have horrible red pimples on my face, neck, chest, and even arm. This was totally unexpected but Little birdie seems amused by it. We sing a song about spots when playing sometimes, and she's been singing it to me and pointing at them. I've also had a very upset stomach for the last three days, which hasn't been pleasant. We were supposed to go out for Good Friday but couldn't because of it. Luckily it was better yesterday, during the day at least, so we were able to go to my sisters for a big Easter lunch. It was lovely, and delicious, and little birdie had a ball. While we were there I noticed that my left palm has started too feel a bit numb, like I've fallen over and stopped myself with it. This is apparently nerve damage from the chemo drugs. Lovely. Apart from that we had a great day. We even had a visit from our neighbours in the afternoon who gave us a beautiful plant as a welcome present and also to let us know that they are there to help anytime we need.

We also received some good news yesterday about ivf. We now have 9 embryos frozen, ready for us when we are able to continue our family, which is a great result.

All in all its been a great week, and the best thing has been Little Birdie. She has just been so happy and affectionate and entertaining, and easy! Bed times have been a breeze, and when I've been tired she has played happily by herself while I've rested on the lounge. She is such a smart little girl. She even spent 5 minutes entertaining my husband, dad, and I yesterday singing a made up song about chickens! Almost every single day my husband and I find ourselves saying how lucky we are. Having her more than makes up for all the bad luck we've had.