Saturday, 18 January 2014

1 year today

Today marks one year since I heard the words 'it's cancer'. It doesn't feel like a whole year has gone by, but then again, thinking about before I was diagnosed with cancer seems like a lifetime ago. 

Before I was diagnosed, my husband and I had had such high hopes for 2013. We were moving into our new home (our first house), we were planning to have another baby, and then 18 days into the year I was told I had cancer. The amazing thing is that looking back, 2013 still managed to be a pretty wonderful year. Sure, there were a few lows, but many many more highs, like moving into our new house, my amazing surprise birthday weekend away, our daughters second birthday, and just day to day life with my daughter and husband. 2013 taught me that cancer is a f*cking bitch, but my family and friends are amazing!

I never in a million years thought I would be diagnosed with breast cancer, let alone at the age of 27, but it's amazing how you adapt to things and they just become part of daily life. Yes I had cancer, but life goes on. Dishes need to be washed. Nappies needed to be changed. Bills needed to be paid. I was alive, and wasn't going to let cancer take up any more of my time than necessary. 

Thinking about it yesterday, I realised that the first few days after my diagnosis are pretty much the only time I've cried about having cancer, and that was when I had to tell my family and friends. I've cried numerous times about the baby I wasn't able to have (I have only recently managed to talk about that without getting teary), I've cried for the friends that have lost their battle to this bitch if a disease, but I've hardly cried about the fact that I have cancer. I remember times while going through chemo that I looked  like uncle fester and felt like utter rubbish but I still didn't cry. Maybe I just didn't have the energy to, but I've never really been scared, or felt sorry for myself, or upset myself by thinking about what would happen if I didn't beat this. 

I'm still waiting to hear the words "cancer free", I'll be having more tests next month which I'm hoping will lead to this, but today I'm happy that I'm here and feeling healthy. 

Now its time to get back to watching 'The Wizard of Oz' with my little birdie (for the 20th time) and to hopefully not think about cancer again today. 

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