Give us a break!

So I think it's fair to say that I am a pretty positive person. Not in an annoying, in your face way, but I never really think 'why me?', I just get on with things. Well this week, I've seriously been tested. 

***disclaimer: this post contains occasional coarse language and feeling sorry for myself. Only read on if you want to join my pity party. Don't worry though, it's not a long one. ***

I've mentioned on here previously that my husband and I have been through some pretty difficult times. Well this month celebrated five years since his brain tumour and subsequent surgery, and it was kind of sad looking back at those five years and to see everything we have gone through, and are still going through. My husbands brain tumour, surgery, and subsequent seizures. The loss of his mum to short battle with cancer. The loss of his dad six months later. And now, my cancer. All in just five years. On the obvious up side, we have also been lucky enough to have fallen pregnant and had our incredible little birdie, who amazes and entertains us everyday, so it obviously hasn't been all bad. 

But this week we were reminded all too clearly of the most terrifying experience of the last five years. At 12:55am Friday morning, I was awoken by a quick tap on the shoulder from my husband, only to open my eyes and see him going into a full blown, fucking seizure. I managed to stay calm, call paramedics, call our wonderful neighbour who came straight over, keep my husband on his side and safe on the bed, all while watching him thrash around, foaming at the mouth, with his eyes wide, bloodshot, and terrified. Luckily, the seisure only went for about 5 minutes, and by the time the ambulance arrives, 19 minutes after I first called, he had just started to come to. He was given oxygen and couldnt really talk, but was eventually able to walk, aided, to the ambulance. From the ambulance I called (and woke) my sister who headed straight over at 2am to relieve my neighbour, and not only stayed the night, but took little birdie home with her the next morning. Sitting in the ambulance after I had done everything I needed to do was the first chance I had to actually think about what was happening, and the first thing I thought was 'You've got to be fucking kidding me! I'm riding in an ambulance, with no hair, one boob, and a very visible scar thanks to the fact im pretty much in my pyjamas, and I'm not even the one who needs treatment.' They say that you're only given as much as you can handle, and yes, I can handle this, but give us a fucking break. In the words of a great friend who just happened to text me while I was still at the hospital, 'doesn't the universe know what we've been through?!'

At the hospital my husband was given his anti-seizure medication, which he had been taking for the last five years but stopped six months ago (obviously a bad idea). He was given various blood tests and a ct scan, all of which came back clear, and was monitored for four hours to make sure he didn't have another seizure, and then we were sent home. We both spent the weekend resting and apart from being quite swollen, tired, and sore from the sheer physicality of the seizure, he is fine. And so am I. 

I am back to my positive self now. Yes it's a horrible thing that we've had to experience again, but we were also pretty lucky. Lucky that the seizure happened at home, in bed, with me, and not while my husband was at work, or driving, or any number of other alternatives. Lucky that it was unwitnessed by little birdie. Lucky that it was minor compared to the one five years ago. One that went for almost 30 minutes and after which he spent 2 days in intensive care, 5 days in hospital total. Lucky that in the 6 months that he was off the medication he lost over 20 kilo's and became fitter and healthier than I have ever known him. And lucky that even though we don't have his incredible parents around to help us this time, we still have wonderful family and friends who dropped everything to be there for us and little birdie all weekend. So I guess, all in all, that does make us very lucky. 

I'm a terrible blogger, but I'm just a bit over cancer.

It's been ages since my last post, but I just haven't been able to bring myself to write a new one. 

After my last chemo (number four) I felt pretty terrible for over a week. I was given the top of the line anti-nausea drugs, since I had a few days of nausea after cycle three, but I ended up feeling horrible. No nausea, but I felt like my brain was fried. I couldn't think properly, was fatigued, I was dizzy on and off for about five days, and felt quite shakey. The last week I have pretty much felt back to normal, but I've just been so over the whole cancer thing that I couldn't even bring myself to look at this blog. And to make me feel especially attractive, my eyelashes and eyebrows seem to slowly be thinning out, my fingernails are getting ridges and feeling sore like they might start lifting, and I've been feeling like a cross between uncle fester and an old gypsy woman. 

Even while I was feeling like this though, it wasn't all bad. I had the wonderful Alicia who came to chemo with me (who i grew up next door to, who is my friend Morgan's mum and is also one of my mums closest friends) come over and spend three days at home with me and little birdie as my parents are away overseas (they're back on Monday, yay!). Every day she brought delicious cakes for morning tea, which was lovely even when i couldn't taste them, she did my washing, tidied my house, cooked for me, and even took little birdie for walks to go shopping or pick me flowers so I could have a rest. I'm not sure how I would have managed if I had been home on my own in that time!

My husband has also been especially amazing over the last few weeks. He came home one night (when i was feeling particularly crappy) with a bunch of roses, chocolates, and my favourite magazine, as well as a card saying how much he appreciates everything i do for him and little birdie even though I'm also dealing with chemo and cancer, and on top of that he told me he booked a weekend away for my birthday (which is 11 days after i finish chemo), but is surprising me with where we are going. He also had four days off over the long weekend and it was lovely. We got to relax, go to the markets, see both of our families, catch up with friends, do much needed work around the house, take little birdie to the park, plus he cooked some beautiful meals for me. 

So now I have six days till my second last chemo and I plan to enjoy every one of them, even though I have a heart scan one day, a follow up with my surgeon the next, and my husband is going away for two days for work. I will catch up with friends, enjoy some wine now that my taste buds are back to normal, and take little birdie on an adventure (not at the same time of course)

Speaking of little birdie, here are some of the adorable things she has done over the past few weeks:

1- While eating jelly the other day, she said 'Mummy. Have some jelly. It's fun! It's fun! It's fun!' When she realised I found it funny, she just kept looking at me and saying 'Its fun! It's fun!' And laughing. 

2- Playing in her bedroom the other morning, I walk in and find her like this. She is apparently painting the roof. 

3- At the markets last weekend she told me she wanted her face painted. I wasn't sure if she would change her mind once she had a stranger putting wet paint on her face but she was wonderful. She sat very still the whole time and was very happy with the finished product. Unfortunately she was not so happy when we had to wash it off that night. 

4- Little birdie has been spending a lot of time on the big toilet now that she is pretty much toilet trained. She loves waving to elmo, who's picture is on her special toilet seat, but what she loves even more is reading a book while on the toilet. We read 'Thats not my kitten' which has been a favourite since she was a baby, and she now knows the whole thing off by heart. She tells me 'it's ears are too soooft', 'It's tongue is too fuzyyyyyy', 'Its nose is too smooooth' 'it's bell is too shiii-neey' and although the storey says its paws are too rough, she tells me 'it's paws are too spongy!' and then giggles.   

5- She has even managed to occasionally be adorable while throwing tantrums. When trying to get her ready for bed one night she refused to get dressed and instead was playing with her new toy coffee machine. I had asked her nicely a few times to come over and get dressed and she simply said 'No!', so my husband told her to come get dressed, to which she yelled 'No! I'm still making a coffee!' As much as we tried not to, my husband and I burst out laughing.