Sunday, 30 June 2013

Give us a break!

So I think it's fair to say that I am a pretty positive person. Not in an annoying, in your face way, but I never really think 'why me?', I just get on with things. Well this week, I've seriously been tested. 

***disclaimer: this post contains occasional coarse language and feeling sorry for myself. Only read on if you want to join my pity party. Don't worry though, it's not a long one. ***

I've mentioned on here previously that my husband and I have been through some pretty difficult times. Well this month celebrated five years since his brain tumour and subsequent surgery, and it was kind of sad looking back at those five years and to see everything we have gone through, and are still going through. My husbands brain tumour, surgery, and subsequent seizures. The loss of his mum to short battle with cancer. The loss of his dad six months later. And now, my cancer. All in just five years. On the obvious up side, we have also been lucky enough to have fallen pregnant and had our incredible little birdie, who amazes and entertains us everyday, so it obviously hasn't been all bad. 

But this week we were reminded all too clearly of the most terrifying experience of the last five years. At 12:55am Friday morning, I was awoken by a quick tap on the shoulder from my husband, only to open my eyes and see him going into a full blown, fucking seizure. I managed to stay calm, call paramedics, call our wonderful neighbour who came straight over, keep my husband on his side and safe on the bed, all while watching him thrash around, foaming at the mouth, with his eyes wide, bloodshot, and terrified. Luckily, the seisure only went for about 5 minutes, and by the time the ambulance arrives, 19 minutes after I first called, he had just started to come to. He was given oxygen and couldnt really talk, but was eventually able to walk, aided, to the ambulance. From the ambulance I called (and woke) my sister who headed straight over at 2am to relieve my neighbour, and not only stayed the night, but took little birdie home with her the next morning. Sitting in the ambulance after I had done everything I needed to do was the first chance I had to actually think about what was happening, and the first thing I thought was 'You've got to be fucking kidding me! I'm riding in an ambulance, with no hair, one boob, and a very visible scar thanks to the fact im pretty much in my pyjamas, and I'm not even the one who needs treatment.' They say that you're only given as much as you can handle, and yes, I can handle this, but give us a fucking break. In the words of a great friend who just happened to text me while I was still at the hospital, 'doesn't the universe know what we've been through?!'

At the hospital my husband was given his anti-seizure medication, which he had been taking for the last five years but stopped six months ago (obviously a bad idea). He was given various blood tests and a ct scan, all of which came back clear, and was monitored for four hours to make sure he didn't have another seizure, and then we were sent home. We both spent the weekend resting and apart from being quite swollen, tired, and sore from the sheer physicality of the seizure, he is fine. And so am I. 

I am back to my positive self now. Yes it's a horrible thing that we've had to experience again, but we were also pretty lucky. Lucky that the seizure happened at home, in bed, with me, and not while my husband was at work, or driving, or any number of other alternatives. Lucky that it was unwitnessed by little birdie. Lucky that it was minor compared to the one five years ago. One that went for almost 30 minutes and after which he spent 2 days in intensive care, 5 days in hospital total. Lucky that in the 6 months that he was off the medication he lost over 20 kilo's and became fitter and healthier than I have ever known him. And lucky that even though we don't have his incredible parents around to help us this time, we still have wonderful family and friends who dropped everything to be there for us and little birdie all weekend. So I guess, all in all, that does make us very lucky. 

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